Ask the Naruto Characters
by Cloud Streak
Summary: Your chance to ask the characters of Naruto anything you like. Does Kisame like Nickelback? What's Itachi's opinion on McDonald's? Only one way to find out. Read and review. Review until your fingers get bloody! Full of randomness for your delight!
1. The Beginning of my Goal

**Me:** Hi! I'm Axel! And I'm here in the Naruto Universe to answer all your questions. First things first. I've got to track and capture every single character in the world! Mwhahahahaha!

**Pein: **Um….what the hell are you doing in my base? This place is for Akatsuki only.

**Me: **Uh, Pain, I'm here to capture you!

**Pein:** It's Pein dammit! Pein! Just because the mange misspelled my name ONCE half you idiots online always spell it the wrong way!

**Me:** Um, so, if I call you Pein instead of Pain, will you let me capture you?

**Pein:** It's gonna take a lot more then names for the all powerful Akatsuki Leader to be captured!

**Me:** What if I give you a cookie?

**Pein:** Well……….I'm gonna need some convincing

**Me:** Two cookies!

**Pein:** Oh God….um….ah….hmmm….

**Me:** Did I mention the cookies are cookies?

**Pein:** Sold! I'm yours!

**Konan:** _(walks in) _Pein you idiot. All he did was tell you that the cookies were cookies.

**Pein:** Don't question me Konan…don't question me!

**Tobi:** _(skipping into the cavern) _Did somebody say cookies!

**Me:** (_Holding up two cookies) _Yup and if you come with me, you can have three.

**Tobi:** Yays! Three cookies!

**Pein:** Hey! What the hell! I only got two cookies.

**Me:** Sorry, Pein. Tobi's just a better negotiator.

**Pein:** Dammit!

**Konan:** _(rolling her eyes) _This is ridiculous. I'm sick of being surrounded by idiotic men.

**Me:** Would you like a cookie?

**Konan:** No! I don't want you baked goods!

**Deidara:** _(striding in with Sasori, Itachi, Kisame, Hidan, and Kakuzu) _Jesus Christ, Konan. Your PMSing for the whole month is driving us all crazy.

**Konan:** Mock me if you will, but at least I can avoid being bought by deserts.

**Me:** Hey Konan….._(reaching into my pocket and pulling out my new bargaining chip) _would you like….a tampon?

**Konan:** _(eyes narrowing) _I suppose I could answer a few questions. But only a few!

**Me:** That's all I ask.

**Itachi:** Who the hell stuck a tampon in your pocket?

**Me:** _(pointing to long wooden pole stuck in Itachi's butt) _Who the hell shoved a stick up your ass?

**Itachi: **(_pointing) _Kisame. That's what happens when you try to do him a favor by feeding him his fish.

**Kisame:** That was fish! Gasps!

**Itachi: **Get over it.

**Me:** Now, now. Let's settle down. So, will I have to get something special for the rest of you, or are cookies fine.

**Akatsuki:** _(looking at each other before mumbling in agreement) _Yeah, yeah, cookies are fine.

**Me:** Great. That's the whole Akatsuki under my iron fist!

**Zetsu:** _(emerging from the ground) _You forgot me.

**Me:** No….I…uh…I actually really don't care about you.

**Zetsu: **WHAT!!!

**Me:** Well, you see, there's Itachi and Kisame pairings, Sasori and Deidara pairings, Pein and Konan pairings, but no Zestu.

**Kakuzu and Hidan:** What about us!

**Me:** Um, well, nobody really likes you either: I was just being polite asking you.

**Kakuzu and Hidan:** Thank you!

**Me:** You're very welcome.

**Zetsu:** Stop getting off topic!"

**Me:** Well, yeah. You're just a minor character. You're just kinda…you know…there. You're just there to look creepy and make people laugh when somebody kills you near the end of the story.

**Zetsu:** I hate you!

**Deidara:** Uh…can we get to the questioning?

**Me:** Actually, Deidara, we can't.

**Kisame:** WHY!

**Me:** Cuz the readers haven't sent reviews in the form of questions for us to answer.

**Akatsuki:** Gasps! The nerve!

**Me:** I know, I know. Don't worry; none of them will be given cookies.

**Akatsuki:** Yays! More cookies for us!

**Me:** Well, you heard them. The Akatsuki is pissed at all of you. Send in reviews immediately, asking questions to them (even Zetsu, I'm sure we can coax him into talking). Ask anything you like, however random. And in a few chapters, I might be able to round up the rest of the Naruto characters. Hey, maybe if you ask questions to somebody outside Akatsuki now, they may pop up early! Worth a shot, if you ask me.

**Pein:** Just watch, they'll ask me the most questions.

**Deidara:** Ha! Yeah right! They'll ask about my art hmmm.

**Kakuzu:** _(grumbling) _No fair! People are gonna ask Itachi the most just because he's a freaking girl and brother to that emo freak, and because he thinks he's above everybody else!

**Itachi:** _(looking up from painting his nails) _Hmm? Did you say something?

**Kakuzu:** WHY YOU-

**Me:** Okay, okay. Cool down everybody. I'm ending the chapter here.

**All:** Ahhh!

**Me:** Well, that's all for now. So review!!!!!

9


	2. Just for Sai430

**Me:** _(holding paper with questions written on it) _And we're back!

**Pein:** _(sarcastically)_ Oh, how very exciting. Like I don't have anything better to do as future ruler of the world then listen to stupid fan's questions. (he peeks curiously at the sheet).

**Me:** _(holding paper to my chest)_ Wait till I read them!

**Me:** Here's the first question:

okay well i have a Question for Itachi, Deidara, and Sasori

okay Itachi: what do you think about Uchiha-Cest(SasukeXITachi)  
Deidara: i have to say i disagree with you on what you think art is i think it should last for ever. and i also wanted to know how long it took you to grow your hair so long  
and Sasori: okay well i agree with you 100 with you that art should last for ever and not just last a couple seconds. and i want to know what its liek beaing a puppet and if its so great to last for ever becuase in the end you ned up loesing everyone anyways so whats the poing if you just get hurt every time soem one passes?

**Pein:** WHAT! NONE FOR ME! YOU LITTLE BITCH!

**Kakuzu and Hidan:** Well, if she likes Sai, she must be queer.

**Me:** Why? Last time I checked, Sai was a boy.

**Itachi:** Why the hell were you 'checking' Sai in that area?

**Me:** _(flicking his forehead protector)_ Shut up, Itachi!

**Me:** Anyway, it's possible she's straight. Sai is a boy.

**Deidara:** A gay boy.

**Konan:** You idiot! If a girl likes a gay guy, she's not gay!

**Deidara:** Her tastes are.

**Sai:** What are you all talking about?

**All:** Ahhhhhhh!

**Me:** Sai! What the bloody hell are you doing here.

**Sai:** Honestly, I have no idea.

**Me:** Well…that's odd….

**Sai**: _(looking at the cookies in Tobi's hand)_ Are you going to eat those?

**Tobi:** COOKIE THEIF! COOKIE THIEF!

**Me:** Everybody calm down!

**Zetsu:** I believe we have some questions to answer.

**Pein:** _(grumpily)_ Some of us have questions to answer.

**Me:** Pein, I gave my only tampon to Konan. You'll have to wait your turn, however many cramps you get, it doesn't give you the right to be mean to us.

**Pein:** _(glaring)_ I'm starting to regret this whole 'cookie' deal.

**Tobi:** Why doesn't Tobi have any questions? What did Tobi do wrong? Was Tobi…a…a…bad boy?

**Me:** No Tobi, it's not like that! You're a good boy, you really-

**Tobi:** _(shrieking and crying)_ NOOOOOO! TOBI IS A BAD BOY! (he runs out of the room, crying.)

**Hidan:** Well that was…erm…

**Deidara:** Weird as shit?

**Hidan:** Yeah, that works.

**Me:** Well, guys, Zetsu is right. We should answer those questions.

**Sai:** Questions?

**Me:** Fans are asking questions, and they are answering them.

**Sai:** Really? That's stupid.

**Me:** Thank you for those words of optimism. Would you like to answer questions, too? I'm sure _somebody_ must like you, unlike Zetsu.

**Zetsu:** _(grumbling)_ Bastard…

**Sai:** No. I would not like to.

**Me:** Will you?

**Sai:** Yes, I will. But for now_…(reaches into pocket and pulls out sketch pad)_…I will draw.

**Kisame:** What you draw body. Porn? Blood?

**Sai:** People and their respective emotions.

**Sasori**_ (coughing) _Gay!

**Me:** Okay, the first questions for you, Itachi.

**Itachi:** Uchiha-cest?

**Me:** Yup.

**Itachi:** I find it utterly repulsive, to tell you the truth. Me and Sasuke? Please, I'm sooo prettier then that loser.

**Kisame:** Then why do you have those pictures under your bed?

**Itachi:** _(blushing)_ I don't know what you're talking about!

**Kisame:** You know. All those pictures of Sasuke naked, and Sasuke taking showers, and then there's that one where you pasted a naked picture of yourself on top of a picture of Sasuke sleepin-

**Itachi:** Shut up!

**Akatsuki:** _(snickers)._

**Me:** Well there you go, Sai. Itachi seems to have a little crush on Sasuke.

**Itachi:** I DO NOT! I'M TOO SEXY FOR HIM!!!!

**Sai:** Why are you talking to me?

**Me:** Erm…I'm talking to the other Sai.

**Sai:** There are two Sai's?

**Me:** Yeah.

**Sai:** Weird………………

**Deidara:** _(grumpily)_ The next one's for me. To tell you the truth, Sai, I don't give a shit about your opinion on my art. Maybe you'd understand my way of thinking better if I made some art for you. Personally. _(evil grin)_

**Me:** Deidara! Don't be so mean to Sai! At least he/she reviewed!

**Deidara:** Bite me. He or she is probably some crazed fangirl. I refuse to answer the next question.

**Sasori:** It didn't take him long. That hair isn't genuine; he shaved it off the rest of his body, fused it together and glued it to his head.

**Deidara:** You…you…bastard!

**Sasori:** Well it's true. And I'd like to personally say it's disgusting when you shave in the shower and don't clean it up.

**All:** Ewwwww!

**Sasori:** I mean, seriously. Yesterday, were those leg hairs or pubes or-

**All:** EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!

**Kisame:** TMI! TMI!

**Me:** I agree, Sasori. TMI.

**Sasori:** Anyway, thank you, Sai. At least you have good tastes in art, unlike _(glaring at Deidara) _others…

**Orochimaru:** What's going on here?

**All:** AHHHHHHHHH!

**Pein:** Jesus Christ! Get out of my base you slut!

**Me:** Oh God. And things were going so fine for a second…

**Orochimaru:** Slut? That's the best you can come up with?

**Itachi:** _(venomously)_ You are a slut. You tried to steal my body!

**Orochimaru:** I don't need your body. Your little brother has skills that far surpass yours.

**Itachi:** I highly doubt that.

**Orochimaru:** You haven't seen him in bed. OH!

**Itachi**_ (blushing slightly out of jealousy)_ You are a pedophile.

**Orochimaru:** And you paint your nails.

**Kisame:** _(butting in)_ Well…you're just…just…a poopy-head!

**Orochimaru:** …………………………….Are you serious?……………………………….

**Kisame:** _(blushing)_ I'm not that smart.

**Orochimaru:** Obviously. You're an idiot.

**Kisame:** You're gay.

**Orochimaru:** You're BLUE!!!

**Kisame**_ (crying)_ Why does everybody judge me! WHY!

**Me:** _(to Orochimaru)_ Now you've done it!

**Kisame:** I'm a real person! It doesn't matter what I look like! What matters is what's in my heart! _(begins to run away)_

**Orochimaru:** _(calling)_ Get that off a cereal box!

**Kisame:** _(sobbing)_ OPRAH! I GOT IT OFF ORPAH! (disappears)

**Orochimaru:** _(to all)_ You guys get Oprah here?

**Hidan:** Hell yeah!

**Orochimaru:** Bummer. Ever since I moved to my new headquarters…the reception just hasn't been going well.

**Konan:** Bummer…have you tried adjusting the antennae?

**Orochimaru:** Yeah.

**Deidara:** Hit the TV. That's what I do. It works!

**Orochimaru:** I'll try that, thanks!

**Kakuzu:** Doesn't matter, Ellen's better.

**Me:** Shit yes! Ellen owns!

**Itachi:** She is pretty funny, but sometimes, she's just kind of…you know?

**Zetsu:** Over perky?

**Itachi:** Exactly!

**Orochimaru:** Plus she's a lesbian. _(a general murmur of agreement follows)_

**Sai:** I like Dr. Phil. _(stunned silence follows)_

**Sasori:** _(to Deidara) _Told you he was queer!

**Me:** GUYS!!! It is impossible to keep you on topic. Finish the bloody questions!

**Sasori:** Sigh…..fine. Yeah, well, Sai, I commend you for your art tastes. However, I must call you a fucking dipshit for what you said next.

**Me:** What did I just say Sasori! Treat the reviewers nicely!

**Sasori:** Well she is! Honestly, I mean, why do I care about "people passing before me?" I could care less when somebody dies. I made the Third Kazekage and my parents into puppets! Honestly, I wish you were all dead right now!

**Me:** That was rude!

**Sasori:** Not my problem.

**Orochimaru:** Ooooh! _(eyes lighting up as if a naked ten year old boy had just strode past)_ We're answering questions? Can I join?

**Me:** Sure. I'm sure there are some…interesting…questions people could think up for you.

**Orochimaru:** And do I get anything from this?

**Me:** _(lifting the lid to my cookie jar, and seeing nothing but crumbs, I make a desperate proposal) _You could sleep-over here.

**Orochimaru:** Oooooh. How delightful! _(groans from the rest follow)_

**Itachi**_ (mumbling to Hidan)_ I'm taping my butt-hole shut tonight.

**Orochimaru:** _(wickedly) _Tape won't stop me!

**Itachi:** Ughhhh!

**Me:** Can we please finish the questions?

**Sasori:** _(tiredly)_ Fine. What's it like being a puppet? Well, as you can see _(gestures to body)_ I'm not in one right now. I'm going for the twenty some year old red hair look.

**Me:** Answer the question!

**Sasori:** Well, it's kind of fun. You never sweat, never get out of breath, never have to eat, never have to bathe…

**All:** Ewwwwww!

**Sai:** _(out of nowhere)_ How's the sex? _(stunned looks follow)_

**Sasori:** Um…well…you see…um…

**Deidara:** He's got a dick made out of metal!

**Most**_ (furious laughter)_

**Me:** _(to Konan)_ Man, I feel sorry for you.

**Konan**_ (sighing)_ Yeah. I feel sorry for me, too.

**Me:** Well, that's a wrap for now. Honestly, guys. 1 review! Thank you Sai, ask as many more questions as you can! As for the rest of you _(shoots dirty looks)_ REVIEW! Or else Orochimaru will rape you.

**Orochimaru:** I'll do that either way,

**Me:** Yes…well…erhrm…regardless…please review, or else this story doesn't work. Maybe you could try to get some new characters in by asking about them.

**Pein:** Or not. There's already way to many as it is.

**Me:** That's funny, Pein, I don't remember asking you.

**Pein:** That's funny, Axel, I don't remember caring.

**Me:** Yes, well you could also try to coax Tobi and Kisame out of their rooms, or drag Pein out of the 24/7/365 period schedule he's on. But until then, bye!

**All but Sai and Orochimaru:** BYE!!!!!

**Sai: **(loudly to Orochimaru, who is whispering in his ear) Why do you want my address?

**Orochimaru:** So I can mail you a post card!

**Sai:** Well, Ok, but why do you need to know what bed I sleep in for that?

**Me:** Uhg!!! The things I do for you guys. REVIEW! Until then

-Axel

27


	3. Finally!

**Me: **And we're finally back! Thank you for your patience!

**Pein**: Took long enough. What's it been, three months? Sheesh.

**Me**: Honestly, Pein…do you EVER shut up?

**Konan**: _(sighing)_ He doesn't.

**Pein**: I'll make you shut up, you-"

**Me**: Pein! Cool it! You actually got questions! A lot of us did!

**Pein**: _(in awe) _Re…re…really?!

**Me**: Yes! Lets get started. The first question is from our number one fan, Sai430. Who is girl, apparently.

**Orochimaru**: (under his breath) Damn!

**Me**: Here it is:

hehe thanks i got a chapter all to my self and just to clear things up IM A GIRL GOD DAM IT an Itachi im a huge fan of Uchihacest. deidara im sorry for having different views on art then you. Pein im sorry for not asking a quiesten to you its just i dont really know what to ask oh wait i know one did it hurt to get all thos pirceings like i want to get my lip pirced i just wanna know if it hurts...

-from Sai430 (aka Kelsey)

**Deidara**: Somebody's a bit crazy. Has she ever heard of spell-check?

**Me**: That's it! I'm giving you all one more chance to stop being mean to the fans! You hear me, guys? One!

**Itachi**: Uchihacest? This is ridiculous.

**Tobi**: _(walking out of room)_ I think it' a great idea!

**Itachi**: Back off!

**Kisame**: Since when were you gay! Besides, Itachi and all his various holes are mine!

**Orochimaru**: Yes! It worked!

**Zetsu**: _(in fear)_ What did you do to my servant!

**Sasori**: He gave him an STD!

**Sai**: Actually, they are no longer STD's. They are STI's. They have been changed from diseases to infections. And homosexuality is not an STI.

**Kakuzu**: You would know.

**Orochimaru**: Oh yes he would. Man, if Sasuke ever dies, this kid's a-

**Me**: Orochimaru! One more pedophile crack and you're in trouble.

**Orochimaru**: I don't make cracks. I make fun in be-"

**Me**: _(furiously)_ THAT'S IT! IN THE CORNER!

**Orochimaru**: What? This isn't preschool! You can't send me to the-"

**Me**: NOW!

**Orochimaru**:_ (grumpily trudging over to the corner of the base, sitting on the ground sniffling, as I place a Dunce hat on him) _No fair.

**Tobi**: _(huddling up to Itachi)_ Hey, big boy, how 'bout I show you what makes Tobi such a good boy?

**Me**: OK, Tobi, you really got to stop that.

**Itachi**: For once, I agree with the man. Get the hell off me.

**Deidara**: You apologize, hmm? I suppose I forgive you. But you better ask me a good question next tome around.

**Pein**: _(singing)_ I GOT A QUESTION! I GOT A QUESTION! I GOT A QUEST-"

**Hidan**: Answer it!

**Pein**: Okay! Well 'Kelsey' if that really is your name, I'll tell you. I'll admit that getting these piercings really hurt, but they were worth it. However, a girl like you should not pierce anything. It could be dangerous.

**Kisame**: What are you, her father?

**Pein**: Just saying…

**Me**: Let's move on to the next-

**Kakuzu**: Pierce your ass, girl! That's hot!

**Pein**: That's asinine!

**Kakuzu**: Turn the other cheek!

**Pein**: No! I'm gonna be real anal about this!

_(Orochimaru moans in agony at all the obvious butt-related jokes he can't say)_

**Me**: NEXT QUESTION!

**Itachi**:_ (to Tobi)_ GET OFF ME!

**Me**: Here it is, from somebody named Nanobear:

Hey! I have a few quesions for some of the guys...okay  
1) to Orochimaru - Did you get like horribly dumped by tsunade or something? o mean..how the hell are yu some zombie...snake..dragon..thing..whatever u are?.

2) to Sasori - i think what you did to the kazekage and ur parents was horrible...but i gotta admit ur kinda cool. but one thing...if you made urself into a puppet..why didnt u make urself a tad taller?..i mean seriously..i feel like next to Kisame ur a toddler

3) to Tobi - LOL ...ur funny? are you really..seriously related to itachi and sasuke?..cause their are such depressing bastards..lol

thats it! :hands over a giant box of cookies and a tray of Starbucks Mocha Frapuccinos:

**Tobi**: M…M…Mocha…. _(He immediately let's go of Itachi)_

**Kisame**: _(in relief)_ Phew!

**Hidan**: What the hell is a NanoBear? That's the best you could come up with?

**Me**: Well? Orochimaru?

**Orochimaru**: _(sarcastically)_ Nope. I'm not allowed to talk.

**Jiraiya**: _(walking in)_ Fine. I'll talk for you.

**Orochimaru**: _(in fury)_ H-h-how did you get in here!

**Me**: Excuse me Jiraiya, but as an avid manga reader, I though you were dead.

**Jiraiya**: Yeah, well, this is a story made by you, Axel. If you want me to come back to life, then come back to life I shall.

**Haku**: _(popping up)_ Does that mean I can-!

**Everybody**: (simultaneously whipping out weapons and killing Haku) No!

**Kakuzu**: Ugh, sick, I've got gay blood on me!

**Me**: Honestly, guys, you are way too homophobic. Well anyway-HEY! OROCHIMARU! NO!

**Orochimaru**: _(who was dragging body of Haku into the corner guiltily)_ Oh come on! Can't I have any fun!

**Me**: Although I admire that you're starting to move a little closer to the feminine type, that is still disgusting. Zetsu.

**Zetsu**:_ (nodding) _Of course. _(He eats the body. Orochimaru starts crying and runs into corner)_

**Deidara**: _(curiously)_ So you died? Who killed you?

**Jiraiya**: _(looking at Pein) _Well, now that you mention it…

**Konan**: That's awful! We should avenge you!

**Pein**: _(panicking)_ How 'bout them questions?

**Me**: Pein's right, Jiraiya. Answer it for your buddy in the corner.

**Jiraiya**: I'm gonna need some convincing.

**Tobi**: Cookie?

**Jiraiya**: Ah, no thanks. That's not really for me.

**Kakuzu**: Money?

**Jiraiya**: No need for it.

**Itachi**:_ (reaching into cloak)_ Bra?_ (he pulls bright pink bra into plain sight.)_

**Sasori**: Where did you ge-

**Jiraiya**: Don't question the man. It's a deal._ (snatches bra)_

**Me**: So?

**Jiraiya**: _(thoughtfully)_ Well, it all happened a long time ago… Orochimaru asked out Tsunade, but it turns out, she wasn't impressed. You see, earlier that very day she had caught Orochimaru peaking at her, and beat the living daylights out of him. Sad, I know. Since that day, Orochimaru never loved another woman.

**Orochimaru**: Jiraiya! Minus the last sentence, that wasn't me, it was you!

**Jiraiya**: Really? I don't know about that…

**Orochimaru**: Look, NanoBear, I've always been gay, ever since Saratobi used to give me private lessons in the closet-

**Jiraiya**: AHA! I knew there was a reason he always treated you better then me! Funny, he always treated Tsunade pretty well, too.

**Orochimaru**: Anyway, that's that. And the reason I look so snake-like…and I am snake-like! What's all this "dragon" crap! There are no dragons in this story! Why don't you go read some freaking Yu-Gi-Oh before you come ba-

**Me**: Okay, Orochimaru. Enough. Next.

**Sasori**: What I did to my parents and the Kazekage was terrible? You suck. I'm cool? Thank you. And lastly, next to Kisame, everybody's a toddler.

**Kisame**: _(shrieking and crying)_ YOU JUST HATE ME BECAUSE I'M DIFFERENT! WHY CAN'T YOU LOVE ME FOR WHO I AM! _(Runs out of room crying)_

**Me**:_ (angrily) _You just did that to flip him out.

**Sasori**: _(pleased)_ Yup. Wasn't it great?

**All**: _(mumbling)_ Yeah, I suppose so.

**Sasori**: But honestly, why am I not taller. I ran out of wood.

**Orochimaru**: I've got some wood for y-

**All**: SHUT UP!

**Me**: The last question is for Tobi.

**Tobi**: Tobi was a…a…good boy?

**Me**: A very good boy.

**Tobi**: _(smiling, eating a handful of cookies and sipping his mocha frapuccino)_ Tobi is funny. Yes, Tobi is very funny.

**Konan**: He put a question mark after it, buddy. That's not a compliment. _(Tobi doesn't seem to hear her)_

**Tobi**: _(bubbily)_ I am related to Sasuke and Itachi, yes. They are depressing, yes. And really, I say they're milking it. They just can't get over some deaths. I've been through worse.

**Itachi**: _(scoffing)_ Like what?

**Tobi**:_ (darkly, as thunder booms outside)_ Like the dark wars of years past where thousands were slain, and I murdered my brother and stole his eyes, then helped you achieve this goal years later. Like the dark, evil revenge that fuels us Uchiha's black hearts. Like the crimson blood that stains your walls, and the dark secret that haunrs us both, and the looming goal of Akatsuki that will soon let I, Madara, rise to power and control the entire Naruto Universe.

**All**: _(awed and frightened silence)_

**Tobi**:_ (happily, sipping out of frapuccino) _Ok, Tobi done. _(giggles merrily)_

**Me**: Umm……………………ok? Thank you, NanoBear, and sorry for the wait.

**Pein**: _(nervously, glancing in fear between Jiraiya and Tobi) _How 'bout we wrap this up, Axel.

**Deidara**: Yeah.

**Hidan**: Sounds good to me.

**Me**: Okay, then last question is from ChokutoSaLance, and it's a whopper:

Hilarious! I hope your still updating... here goes!

To Konan(The paper Akatsuki bitch? I think that's her name, I tend to forget

the details of small bit characters...) Anyway, Are you romantically invovled

with Pein? And if so, since you're entirely made of paper, does he risk

papercuts on naughty places?

To Pein: What do you use to bandage the embaressing paper cuts?

To Orochimaru: Even though you're a nasty, nasty man-thing, I respect your

prowess as a ninja, so why did you build you base of operations in RICE FIELD

country? WTF!?

To Itachi: (Advanced Manga question) Why the hell were you being SUPER polite

to Naruto when you ran into him when you are supposed to capture him?

To Kisame: This isn't so much a legit question, but why do you exist? I mean,

your just a badly drawn verison of Zabuza with lame quotes! "I'll shave you to

death?" WTF? Face it, you have cheek gills, Gai can't even remeber your name,

you have a homo-erotic sword made of shark skin, and you're boring. Please go

kill your-self.

To tobi: (Madara, advanced Manga question.) Can you still summon Kyuubi?

To Deidara: How'd you get in Akatsuki? I mean, you are actually a fav char of

mine, but if someone took your clay away, what could you do?

To Sai: How do you live knowing that in comparison to your emo-ness, Sasuke

is happy-go-lucky?

Thanks! Sory for the question swarm... -''

**Kakuzu**: Sheesh, somebody's curious.

**Konan**: Paper Akatsuki bitch? That's what my reputation is reduced to? "Small bit"?

**Zetsu**: Now you know how I feel.

**Konan**: I refuse to speak to this infidel.

**Pein**: I guess, I will honey. Yeah, bud, we're together. SO STAY AWAY FROM HER!

**Itachi**: Don't be offended, it's just, if she leaves him, he'll never find another woman.

**Pein**: _(pretending to ignore)_ And sometimes_…(blushes)_ I do receive paper cuts in certain…erm…places.

**Sasori**: _(smugly)_ Hmph. If you had a metal dick you wouldn't have to worry about that. _(Eats cookie with grin on his face)_

**Pein**: I've never tried bandaging them. Good idea! Any ideas, guys?

**Deidara**: Yeah, for dick cuts? Use sandpaper coated in rubbing alcohol, salt, and vinegar, and place it right on the tip.

**Pein**: Really?

**Deidara**: Oh yes. It will make you feel things you have never felt before._ (smiles evilly)_

**Pein**: OK! I'm gonna go try that! _(runs off)_

**Orochimaru**: Finally! Somebody who respects me! Are you male, by the way?

**Me**: JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION! Or does Jirayia need to answer this one, too?

**Sai**: _(suddenly realizing)_ Deidara, you were lying to Pein weren't you?

**Deidara**: No, I was serious. Try it sometime.

**Sai**: If you say so. _(resumes doodling)_

**Orochimaru**: To reasons. For the easily manipulatable people, and because of the good sushi.

**Me**: You conquered a country for sushi?

**Orochimaru**: There are worse things to conquer for.

**Me**: Not really….

**Itachi**: I was nice to Naruto because I was trying to tell him something. About the secr- _(looks nervously at Tobi, who is staring straight at him)_

**Tobi**: I think Itachi means that he was just in a happy mood. That's all.

**Itachi**: _(out of corner of mouth)_ Just keep reading, man. Kishimoto Masashi'll tell you eventually.

_(Kisame, stills sniveling and wiping his eyes, walks into room)_

**Hidan**: Look who showed up.

**Kisame**: Well, I just figured that I shouldn't let any of my fans down. I mean, some people have gotta be supporting me so_…(stares at paper in my hand and reads question)_

**Me**: Oh shit.

**Kisame**: I…I…exist because…and Gai…he…well…I…my mother…and…and… _(Kisame pulls out his sword and stabs himself. His body falls to the ground.)_

**Me**: _(to Orochimaru)_ Don't even think about it.

_(Jiraiya carries body away)_

**Hidan**: He was just a badly drawn version of Zabuza.

**Voice**: _(from within Zetsu)_ Zabuza! Zabuza! Yayy! Master! I love Zabuza! I love him! Yay! _(Zetsu punches his stomach, and the noise stops)_

**Me**: _(quietly, as everybody looks on in fright)_ Erm….Madara?

**Tobi**: _(slowly) _Kyuubi? Hmmm.

_(Silence for a long while)_

**Tobi**: Kyuubi. Now there's a name I haven't heard for a long time. Well, I'm sorry, but I don't think I can answer this question just yet. But soon, you will know. Very soon. Right Itachi?

**Itachi**: _(nodding)_ Ye-ye-yes sir!

**Deidara**: _(trying to change subject)_ I…uh…was invited to join the Akatsuki awhile back. And if somebody took my clay…well…I suppose I could bite them.

**Sasori**:_ (shuddering)_ Ugh. Your bites do hurt. Especially when you get too aggressive.

**All**: WHAT! _(even Sai looks up)_

**Sasori**: Uh, no! I mean, that's not what I meant, I uh… once Deidara was eating a popsicle, and all of a sudden, he just went crazy on it. That's what I meant.

**Orochimaru**: Was this popsicle metal flavored, by chance? (all laugh, while Deidara angrily hits Sasori)

**Deidara**: You idiot! How could you!

**Me**:_ (amused)_ Okay, settle down. Let's finish this up. Sai?

**Sai**: This is simple. I don't think I'm emo, so it doesn't bother me. (walks away, leaving pad behind)

**Me**: _(picking up pad)_ Hey guys, this isn't a drawing. It's a poem:

**My Black Heart**

_What is life?_

_But a needle?_

_Ripping every ounce of shimmering blood_

_From my worthless heart_

_And spilling it upon_

_The Earth's evil breast._

_Suck._

_Go Red Jumpsuit Apparatus!_

**Hidan**: Umm…I'd say this proves he's emo.

**Me**: Yeah, I'd say so. And that's all the questions.

**All**: Awwww!

**Me**: Well, there's plenty of questions to be answered! So until next time! See ya!

**All**: Bye!

**Pein**: _(from in the tunnels behind the base) _AHHHHHH! AHHHHHHH! AHHHHHH! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! SHIT! DEIDARA! FUCK! I'M GONNA! AHHH! FUCKING! SHIT! KILL YOU! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

**Deidara**:_ (smiling) _Ahh, that's a classic.

Sai430 (Kelsey), NanoBear, and ChokutoSaLance, thank you very much for your patience. I am sorry that it took so long: I just got very busy. Please keep reviewing! There's lots of stories like this on the site, worse then this, that get way more reviews, which I don't get, but hey, that's life. Please, though, keep reviewing (nothing is too long). Hopefully, more people will review this eventually, but until then, I have nothing against keeping this story going for you three. Thanks!

-Cloud


	4. My Return!

**Me: **_(peeking nervously around)_ Is anybody still here?

**Tobi:** THERE HE IS! THERE HE IS!

**Me:** Shhhhhh! Shut up Tobi! Shut up! Shu-"

**Itachi:** Well what do you know? Axel's alive.

**All:** _(minus Zetsu)_ Hooray!

**Zetsu:** Dammit!

**Me:** And I see plant boy's still alive. Damn, why does it seem like all the cool Akatsuki's get hacked?

**Sasori:** Hacked?

**Me:** Well, you know, Deidara, Sasori, Kakuzu, Hidan, Itachi…….well, you're all, you know, dead.

**Those 5:** _(in shock)_ WHAT!

**Me:** Nevermind, nevermind. Well, anyways, I was just wondering if anybody still had alerts for this one. I'm in a writing mood, you see.

**Konan:** _(nastily) _Ahh, so you just ignore us for half a year, then come begging back.

**Me:** Is anybody EVER happy in this bloody base of yours?

**All:** _(general murmur) _No, no, not really.

**Tobi:** Tobi is happy! Tobi is a good boy! Tobi wants more mocha!

-----suddenly, Tobi hunches over and starts shaking, then slowly raises up------------

**Madara:** _(in a very un-Tobiish voice)_ What the hell are you all moseying around for?!

**Me:** _(nervously unrolling a piece of paper)_ Well, you see Madara, it seems that NanoBear and ChokutoSaLance still have some unanswered questions from the old days.

**Madara:** _(snatching list)_ Well, I suppose I could authorize it, seeing as there are questions for me. After all, I am the Akatsuki's leader.

**Pein:**_ (angrily mumbling to himself) _Hmph. No fair.

**Orochimaru:** So…so… are you gonna do it Axel?

**Me:** I don't know. I'd need at least one confirmation review from one of those two, or a whole new review. The likelihood of them even remembering me is……

**Kakuzu:** An ugly bastard like you? Who could forget.

**Me:** From you, I'll take that as a compliment. So, NanoBear, ChokutoSaLance, Sai430, or anybody else out there. If your still reading, I'm still here! Review soon and answer!

-Axel

3


End file.
